Then, once I came face to face with an accident which I will never forget. I am lucky to be alive and also to survive without being handicapped to write this. Even now, when I think about it, I get a shudder through my spine.
We were practicing the VVIP Motorcade drill in our parade ground. But, we (Commandos) were the people to be in the lead and main vehicles in motorcade, so we were asked to be on the ground to see the practice. I was standing in the pavilion with my colleagues. The drill was to block an approaching attacking vehicle against the motorcade using the first vehicle of the motorcade itself. Both the drivers were on the vehicles, and they started the practice in high speed. First time, both the vehicles didn’t even touch when the approaching (attacking) vehicle was blocked. The next time they hit by the side. Seeing this and getting bored I said, half to my-self and a half to others, that this will make use of an ambulance.
Actually, I was the only person seeing the practice, because I was facing the ground, in the pavilion. Some of my friends were around me, and some others were away in other groups. Then the drivers were ordered to hit a bit more hard and they came speedier. The next I saw was a splash of dust in the ground and a jeep rushing towards us. When I knew it was aiming towards us I shouted to my friends. They scattered to all directions. Then I realised that I am the only target. But I waited hoping that it will not reach me, because, I am up on the fourth step of the pavilion, and the jeep cannot reach there, or the driver might stop it. And when I realised that the driver can’t brake and the steps are not a barrier for the jeep, it was too late.
Then I tried to jump backward over the iron railing which I was leaning. But it was an unwanted hope. I was hit on the left outer thigh by the jeep’s bumper and was thrown backward including the iron railing. I was thrown at the wall 3 meters behind the railing. My right elbow and the right hip hit the wall and were scratched deeply. I was standing there a moment, but the jeep was not yet still. It moved towards me in a lesser speed. I was clinching to the wall. I saw the bumper of the jeep once again coming towards me in my chest level. Really I thought, I will be finished, or at least my ribs will be broken. The next moment I fell to the ground. I was not able to stand on my left leg, because it was previously hit. The very next moment, the bumper hit the wall which I was leaning. Later I saw there a one and a half inch itch, which might had taken my both legs at knee height, if I was standing there. The front of the jeep had come down to the wall after running over the highest fourth step of the pavilion. My friends and all came hurried. They where shivering. I was having a feeling in my mind – why this hell happed to me? I was sure that I had broken my thigh bone. At that time I was between the front tyres of the jeep on my left, the wall on my right, the body of the jeep above me and beneath me, the ground. They hurried me to get up. Because I thought my thigh bone is broken, I said them that I am OK and only fears about my thigh bone. Then I crawled out and was lifted to their shoulders, my left leg not pressing on the ground.
I was taken to the nearby hospital. They dressed up the wounds and asked to take me to the Medical College Hospital. I was shifted to MCH in our department ambulance. On the way, through the window of the ambulance I saw, a transport bus running through our place, when the ambulance overtook it. I was expecting somebody around my house to be in it, and might inform to my house, which I don’t want to happen.
At the MCH, the X-ray was taken and they declared that there is not even a hairline fracture. Once again I was lucky. But I was asked to stay in the hospital for various reasons with the person who was with the driver in the jeep. The next day, I was able to walk lightly, with the injured leg tied with bandage. Then I called my house. The phone was attended by my sister and I said her with my maximum pleasant voice that I had had a small accident with a bruise and is staying in the hospital just for formalities. Then she asked me, was I taken to the hospital in our ambulance. I said yes. As I suspected, she was in that bus which I saw. But she was not sure whether it was me. So they were not worried.
I left the hospital after 3 days. And after, about 3 months I got OK. Once again I escaped from that which was inevitable.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Slip and.....
It was in the year 2000, when I was 22 years old and was doing my PGDCA, the first time I thought of finishing my life. I was doing my course with much dedication and I was much successful too. But in the second semester period I came across a bad situation. As I had already mentioned, I actually doesn’t like to disturb others – even my parents – for more than they should do for me. Before a year and a half I was doing a lot of physical works and then I stopped it all of a sudden. Because of that – due to a long period of no physical workouts – I think, I got arthritis. I got swelling and pain in all my joints from my angles, knees toward my hips and even on shoulders. I was not able to walk, even in my house. Everything was getting difficult. And I was in a situation to lean on my Papas shoulder to walk to the hospital and all. He too was not good on health and was having angina.
The pain was nothing to me. I was able to tolerate it. But, to be in the house all time, immobility, and the problems I am making to my parents and brothers, all made me irritated. I was taking ayurvedic medicines which has the taste nobody can explain. There was sweetness, bitterness, acidity and all in the medicines in many proportion. Which may make you vomit. But I took it like nothing. I was not able to use salt, chillies, or curd. Fish or Meat was denyed. I just had my breakfast with porridge and a vegetable curry with out salt. For lunch it was just rice and vegitables and sometimes fish dryed without salt. I was ok with the food and medicine. I can eat any food with any taste. Any medicine with any taste was also ok. But, I was irritated, bored, and probably mad.
One day, I was in my room and was reading something. It was raining outside. In an interval I lifted my head and saw the wooden bars that supports the roofing tiles. I thought this is the time for IT. I had in my room the rope which I used to tie the rings for doing exercise. The time was perfect. As the rain was hard out side, any sound may not be heared ourside. The door of my room was also locked as usual. And to reach the top – there was my windows to help. I made the decision. I forgot the pain. Put one of my legs down. A sound distracted me. The wooden bar which I aimed to tie the rope fell down. I think it was been degenerated by that problem which happens to the wood, when it lacks maturity when cutting. The tiles above stood there with the help of much smaller 2, 3 wooden pieces.
Papa came hearing the sound. He said I am lucky, that it doesn’t fell over me. I was not able to complete my aim, then.
Later, when I have some happy moments in my life, with my friends or family, I use to think about this incident just to blame myself how immature was I. And till I came in front of such an accidental situation later, this was my inspiration to live, which told me I SHOULD LIVE.
The pain was nothing to me. I was able to tolerate it. But, to be in the house all time, immobility, and the problems I am making to my parents and brothers, all made me irritated. I was taking ayurvedic medicines which has the taste nobody can explain. There was sweetness, bitterness, acidity and all in the medicines in many proportion. Which may make you vomit. But I took it like nothing. I was not able to use salt, chillies, or curd. Fish or Meat was denyed. I just had my breakfast with porridge and a vegetable curry with out salt. For lunch it was just rice and vegitables and sometimes fish dryed without salt. I was ok with the food and medicine. I can eat any food with any taste. Any medicine with any taste was also ok. But, I was irritated, bored, and probably mad.
One day, I was in my room and was reading something. It was raining outside. In an interval I lifted my head and saw the wooden bars that supports the roofing tiles. I thought this is the time for IT. I had in my room the rope which I used to tie the rings for doing exercise. The time was perfect. As the rain was hard out side, any sound may not be heared ourside. The door of my room was also locked as usual. And to reach the top – there was my windows to help. I made the decision. I forgot the pain. Put one of my legs down. A sound distracted me. The wooden bar which I aimed to tie the rope fell down. I think it was been degenerated by that problem which happens to the wood, when it lacks maturity when cutting. The tiles above stood there with the help of much smaller 2, 3 wooden pieces.
Papa came hearing the sound. He said I am lucky, that it doesn’t fell over me. I was not able to complete my aim, then.
Later, when I have some happy moments in my life, with my friends or family, I use to think about this incident just to blame myself how immature was I. And till I came in front of such an accidental situation later, this was my inspiration to live, which told me I SHOULD LIVE.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Me in a Shell
I, the person who wants to be alone for a lifetime, don’t think that I will be a successful person in my life as the standards set by the society. And, to me the success of a person is his freedom and the ability to do what ever he likes, good or bad. And I believe that anything that makes difficulty to another human being is bad, and the rest is good. What ever the law, society & customs may say about it. I stick to that thought.
So, I thought of NOT making a person to live for me or me to be living for her. Actually, when I went just beneath the covers and masks of some persons, I had found most of them are just opposite they seems to be. I had seen educated people becoming the most uncivilized. Multi millionaires quarrelling like beggars for just small amounts that they can throw away. Finding such a truth (which I think is true to me till now) I had stopping dreaming of being big. I want only just to be happy. And I am sure that happiness will come to me, if I am not dreaming about big things and always sweating my nose. I had learned that Lord Buddha had said it. I know, that is the very truth of LIFE. I like to be cool and is ready to face anything which comes against me. Because, as I am a small person, the problems coming to me too will be small and I can handle it easily. So I am happy and peaceful all time. Great isn’t it?
And, about relationships. Yes, I had, as everybody, parents and siblings. I love and respect them to the very end I can. But not more or less. Also I had friends. Not much. Just to count on my fingers. I don’t say they are very apt for me. I had not asked them to be like me, or I want to be like them. Actually, our friendship is a strange one. We just share our company each other, just to walk through the country roads of our village talking about the uncertainties of life. If we are more than two, I just shrink to my own shell. Actually we are a great company without any commitments. But we know each other very well. That, if I need them they are there, but I wont ask, or there will not be a need of asking. And that too apply for their needs. I should think that I am a lucky person to get such a company. And they are not as introvert as me. They had a lot more social relations, friendships and gatherings. And when I lack them, I know to be happy alone with my own activities.
Yes, I had had girl friends and lovers too. My first love, which I got at the age of 15 after 3 years of one way love stayed 7 more years. I was forced to ask her to act according her parents will, when I found it was difficult to be a successful person before the society. After a lot persuasion, she obeyed (the first and only thing which she disobeyed me in that time span) to do her parents decision. She got married, and is happy with two boys.
Then, there was girls who took seriously the affair and because of one or other reason said me goodbye, and also some spend their time. But I am not at all down of such happenings. I know, life is like that. And I love my Life. Because of these much experiences good and bad, I am able to determine the good and bad. But to my horror, the world is BAD. Each and every inch; in one way or other. I am sure, I am not a person meant to live in this world. I am an unsuitable person here.
Because I had born here, and had lived up to these 30 years in this world, I have to live the rest too. I love the nature, the birds, animals, forests, hills, lakes, sea, music, architecture, etc in this earth, except the people, who doesn’t like each other or loves for there benefits and pretends everything, even the love to their own children. But I had also seen somebody who are there not even living for themselves, who had lost everything they had made for their loved ones and thrown away afterwards. So, I should live till I am not able to move on my own, or till I am fit to be on my own. Then, I had decided the rest… I will close this chapter for ever.
My thought about a partner is a very mad one. I don’t believe in the traditional way of marriages of any religion. What is there in the ceremony, to do in a marriage? If there was anything positive, then there should be no Family Courts in our Country. So I think it is a meaningless thing, but it is a good opportunity to people to show there wealth, power and influences in society. What do the poor people do to cope with these trends in the society. They don’t think about it, and tries to run along and gets down, totally used up, without any good to anybody.
About 4 years back, I got an idea of a partner – another mad idea. When I think of my partner I hope she should be the very next part of me. As they say, the completeness of a male is in his female and vice versa. She should be like a dearest friend to whom I can share anything in this world – my thoughts, feelings, emotions and everything. I owe to show the bare me to her. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally. To make her feel and know, what I will think or act in the very next second in a specific situation. But I was not able to find a person like that till now. Also I was expecting her to be the only person to me, and I to her. But in this world is there any person like that? So, I know it is not going to happen. Should I search in the other side of the marriage among the ladies who lost there husbands in the race of life. I am not sure. But sometimes I think I need a partner, to share me. Not with the band or string of marriage, but with the string of believeness, understandness and faith. I am sure it is not going to happen anyway. So, I will be alone.
I am a person who loves to travel. I love photography too. Once in my life, I had thought to become a photo journalist. But, at that time, I was not in a mood to attend the long lecture classes in the college. So I dropped that idea. Then, thought of being a freelance photographer. Actually the job that I got, when I came out of the PGDCA Course from LBS, Tvm. nailed my ambitions. I was not able to travel as I like because of the job, but it gave me daily bread from a very low age of about 22. And I was satisfied with that small salary. Now I know that this is not a lucky age for a person to stand on his foot; but at that time, I was happy about it and even now for some extent. But when I got a chance, I went on to view the nature, and I had clicked a lot of pictures too, which, when I see now, ignites the memories of that journeys. They are the most treasured assets of my life.
Thus, I didn’t make a professional photographer. But the most dreaded period of my life was yet to come. For my good or bad (I am not sure about it until now) I got the job in the Kerala Police. As I said, I give much importance to my freedom, I was put in to the very opposite type of a job. In this job you are not allowed to leave your state without prior permission. Also, you can be called back anytime even if you are in leave. And leaves are scarce as people will not stop making problems. You will not be sure where you will be in the special days like Onam, X-mas, Ramzan and all. The very uncertinity of a life is here every hour and every second. It had affected my journeys and actually my peace of mind.
But, as it is heard, ‘every rise has a fall’. This job had taken my interests, my time and my dynamism, but had provided me with a confidence, that, I will get my salary all months with out delay. Also even if I am bedridden by an accident or decease; for 3 months I will be provided my salary. So there is some pain and some gain. One more real truth of the world, which, I had understood thoroughly.
Now, I am in the Commando Wing of the Kerala Police. We were chosen to train at National Security Guards Training Centre at Manesar in Haryana for three months. And of course with our willingness only. I have to work in this Wing for at least three years. There are monthly and yearly physical and fitness tests and other tests in firing, driving, swimming etc.
To continue my life like this, I thought I need a shelter. I said that to my Papa a year back, and he said that is a good idea. I had not even saved a single penny for me till that time. I went to the bank for enquiring about a house loan. They said, the land should be in my name and a dozen other documents needed. When I said that to Papa, he registered some land in my name wholeheartedly. I got a loan, and had done a Skelton of my house. And Normally, when the plan and idea of my house was also mine, it is an Abnormal house. But I am sure, when it is finished, it will be the very apt one for me to live.
Certain happenings in my life had changed me or affected me a lot, some a bit and mostly, nothing. Something had taken out my abilities, and some had shown my disabilities. I like to tell some of that too.
Will continue later, if I can. Let be there an air of uncertainty….
So, I thought of NOT making a person to live for me or me to be living for her. Actually, when I went just beneath the covers and masks of some persons, I had found most of them are just opposite they seems to be. I had seen educated people becoming the most uncivilized. Multi millionaires quarrelling like beggars for just small amounts that they can throw away. Finding such a truth (which I think is true to me till now) I had stopping dreaming of being big. I want only just to be happy. And I am sure that happiness will come to me, if I am not dreaming about big things and always sweating my nose. I had learned that Lord Buddha had said it. I know, that is the very truth of LIFE. I like to be cool and is ready to face anything which comes against me. Because, as I am a small person, the problems coming to me too will be small and I can handle it easily. So I am happy and peaceful all time. Great isn’t it?
And, about relationships. Yes, I had, as everybody, parents and siblings. I love and respect them to the very end I can. But not more or less. Also I had friends. Not much. Just to count on my fingers. I don’t say they are very apt for me. I had not asked them to be like me, or I want to be like them. Actually, our friendship is a strange one. We just share our company each other, just to walk through the country roads of our village talking about the uncertainties of life. If we are more than two, I just shrink to my own shell. Actually we are a great company without any commitments. But we know each other very well. That, if I need them they are there, but I wont ask, or there will not be a need of asking. And that too apply for their needs. I should think that I am a lucky person to get such a company. And they are not as introvert as me. They had a lot more social relations, friendships and gatherings. And when I lack them, I know to be happy alone with my own activities.
Yes, I had had girl friends and lovers too. My first love, which I got at the age of 15 after 3 years of one way love stayed 7 more years. I was forced to ask her to act according her parents will, when I found it was difficult to be a successful person before the society. After a lot persuasion, she obeyed (the first and only thing which she disobeyed me in that time span) to do her parents decision. She got married, and is happy with two boys.
Then, there was girls who took seriously the affair and because of one or other reason said me goodbye, and also some spend their time. But I am not at all down of such happenings. I know, life is like that. And I love my Life. Because of these much experiences good and bad, I am able to determine the good and bad. But to my horror, the world is BAD. Each and every inch; in one way or other. I am sure, I am not a person meant to live in this world. I am an unsuitable person here.
Because I had born here, and had lived up to these 30 years in this world, I have to live the rest too. I love the nature, the birds, animals, forests, hills, lakes, sea, music, architecture, etc in this earth, except the people, who doesn’t like each other or loves for there benefits and pretends everything, even the love to their own children. But I had also seen somebody who are there not even living for themselves, who had lost everything they had made for their loved ones and thrown away afterwards. So, I should live till I am not able to move on my own, or till I am fit to be on my own. Then, I had decided the rest… I will close this chapter for ever.
My thought about a partner is a very mad one. I don’t believe in the traditional way of marriages of any religion. What is there in the ceremony, to do in a marriage? If there was anything positive, then there should be no Family Courts in our Country. So I think it is a meaningless thing, but it is a good opportunity to people to show there wealth, power and influences in society. What do the poor people do to cope with these trends in the society. They don’t think about it, and tries to run along and gets down, totally used up, without any good to anybody.
About 4 years back, I got an idea of a partner – another mad idea. When I think of my partner I hope she should be the very next part of me. As they say, the completeness of a male is in his female and vice versa. She should be like a dearest friend to whom I can share anything in this world – my thoughts, feelings, emotions and everything. I owe to show the bare me to her. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally. To make her feel and know, what I will think or act in the very next second in a specific situation. But I was not able to find a person like that till now. Also I was expecting her to be the only person to me, and I to her. But in this world is there any person like that? So, I know it is not going to happen. Should I search in the other side of the marriage among the ladies who lost there husbands in the race of life. I am not sure. But sometimes I think I need a partner, to share me. Not with the band or string of marriage, but with the string of believeness, understandness and faith. I am sure it is not going to happen anyway. So, I will be alone.
I am a person who loves to travel. I love photography too. Once in my life, I had thought to become a photo journalist. But, at that time, I was not in a mood to attend the long lecture classes in the college. So I dropped that idea. Then, thought of being a freelance photographer. Actually the job that I got, when I came out of the PGDCA Course from LBS, Tvm. nailed my ambitions. I was not able to travel as I like because of the job, but it gave me daily bread from a very low age of about 22. And I was satisfied with that small salary. Now I know that this is not a lucky age for a person to stand on his foot; but at that time, I was happy about it and even now for some extent. But when I got a chance, I went on to view the nature, and I had clicked a lot of pictures too, which, when I see now, ignites the memories of that journeys. They are the most treasured assets of my life.
Thus, I didn’t make a professional photographer. But the most dreaded period of my life was yet to come. For my good or bad (I am not sure about it until now) I got the job in the Kerala Police. As I said, I give much importance to my freedom, I was put in to the very opposite type of a job. In this job you are not allowed to leave your state without prior permission. Also, you can be called back anytime even if you are in leave. And leaves are scarce as people will not stop making problems. You will not be sure where you will be in the special days like Onam, X-mas, Ramzan and all. The very uncertinity of a life is here every hour and every second. It had affected my journeys and actually my peace of mind.
But, as it is heard, ‘every rise has a fall’. This job had taken my interests, my time and my dynamism, but had provided me with a confidence, that, I will get my salary all months with out delay. Also even if I am bedridden by an accident or decease; for 3 months I will be provided my salary. So there is some pain and some gain. One more real truth of the world, which, I had understood thoroughly.
Now, I am in the Commando Wing of the Kerala Police. We were chosen to train at National Security Guards Training Centre at Manesar in Haryana for three months. And of course with our willingness only. I have to work in this Wing for at least three years. There are monthly and yearly physical and fitness tests and other tests in firing, driving, swimming etc.
To continue my life like this, I thought I need a shelter. I said that to my Papa a year back, and he said that is a good idea. I had not even saved a single penny for me till that time. I went to the bank for enquiring about a house loan. They said, the land should be in my name and a dozen other documents needed. When I said that to Papa, he registered some land in my name wholeheartedly. I got a loan, and had done a Skelton of my house. And Normally, when the plan and idea of my house was also mine, it is an Abnormal house. But I am sure, when it is finished, it will be the very apt one for me to live.
Certain happenings in my life had changed me or affected me a lot, some a bit and mostly, nothing. Something had taken out my abilities, and some had shown my disabilities. I like to tell some of that too.
Will continue later, if I can. Let be there an air of uncertainty….
Monday, July 21, 2008
Me
Me, Sherin Das D, residing in Tvm, Kerala, India had started this BLOG only for and because of my Friend whose wishes I cant turn back...
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